nothing really to say at the moment .. though i do wonder. what is the meaning of life? everybody goes through those times they wonder. because infact, everybody does wonder. what is the meaning of life? is there actually a meaning? im not sure. ive got thoughts.. like maybe, just maybe.. there is no meaning to life. were just here. and then in the end.. when its over. we are overlooked on what we did in this world, how we acted, and everything. then we get judged on how we lived our lives. i dont really think there is a meaning to life anymore. i dont know.. maybe my perspective will change. but honestly.. you hear talk like.. oh maybe i was sent as a messenger. to do this, to do this. well what if you've already done it? and your still here so.. then  thats not the meaning of life.. because your still here.. and that "job" would be finished. it did not take a whole lifetime. did it? so its not your purpose here right? stuff like the example just given.. the messenger thing. okayss well.. maybe you were just the person to do it. and get the job done? like ok.. the whole concept of im a messenger of god and my purpose in life is to teach. well ..its something you do as a believer. but i dont think its your purpose, the meaning to your life. dont think that stuff is.. i mean. to me.. it seems as if we are in the right places at the right times, coincidences, etc. and also.. because i am christian and im a firm believer in god.. i feel that he intervenes in things we do. but i dont think we honestly have a purpose in life. except  to live it, to the best of our abilities. good and bad. and in the end.. be judged. and if there is.. IF. a purpose in life is to be.. then would it be the same for everybody? or different.. and vary for each person ? i dont know hmm... gets you thinkin dont it ? maybe the meaning of life.. does not exist. it is there for the sole purpose that we may question one day, wish to find it out. and think beyond ourselves. expand our minds. and think of the possibilities. and that might in some cases.. make us wake up and realize if we are living our lives the way we want. and give us oppurtunity to change.. hm.. what do you think?

THE FESTIVAL WAS FUN YESTERDAY.. HERE =]

i made a poem =X PS... i hate me right now. i really do.

I wonder of me

And sometimes I think about how it should be

I know I don’t always make the right decisions

I know that I hurt a lot of people in them

But I'm sorry and I really wanna say

I'm sorry..

I wish  things were a different way

But the truth is. It's not

It will never be, It cant

Because I cant change who I'm supposed to be

I cant change the major part of me

My heart

I cant adjust it to whom I wish to love

That’s the best thing of it

youll never seem to know

Who heaven sends you from above

---------------------edit

iono  just.. been  thinking  about stuff and i'm doubting   confused

--------------------edit

confusion? over..  i know whats right and what i had to do =/ i cant bring myself to hurt someone even more than they'd be hurting now..  cause in the future.. if it went on longer.. =/ it'd be worse? me and peter are i no more~ and i feel bad. i'm sorry peter =[ i reeeeeeally  am =[ i just hope we can be friends someday. 

omg looky!  isn't my  brother  jason  soo   cute   as  a  little  kid?!  OMFG..   haha..  he  was   skinny  here..  =]  adooorable  omg!